We just returned from a vacation to Tennessee with my parents. While everyone else was on a vacation from work – I brought my boss along with me. You can see him below as he enjoys the sites at Dollywood. He is oddly calm as he has just gotten done throwing a fit because I wouldn’t let him ride the “big water boat” with Daddy (aka the log ride). He finally settled down when we found some fish to stare at.
This leads me to my first vacation lesson:
Theme parks will just magnify everyone’s traits. Here, my son is demonstrating that he really, really doesn’t care for loud noises- specifically, the incredibly loud whistle from the coal train we forced him to ride for twenty minutes.
And here is a picture on the Ferris Wheel ( not pictured: my nauseating fear that we were going to tumble out of the rocking car of death, fall hundreds of feet to the searing hot pavement below where the last sounds I would ever hear would be the whistle from the authentic coal train).
Lesson two: Swim diapers are laxatives to toddlers. No picture for this one ( you are very welcome)
Lesson three: Lazy Rivers are a wonderful way to put your toddler down for a nap.
It doesn’t matter if they don’t like it- they will go to sleep. And that will be the best three hours of your day because you will actually be on vacation.
Lesson Four: The game changes once someone (grandma) introduces ice cream to the previously uninitiated toddler. From this point forward, all activities will revolve around consumption of his newest, most favorite treat. “But mama, I love ice cream. Ice cream make me so happy…”
( he was a very happy boy on vacation)
( Look, he knows who his ice cream dealer is! )
Lesson Five: Don’t pay for expensive theme parks, just buy a loaf of bread and find some ducks.
( Yes, I know you are supposed to feed ducks seeds instead of bread, but we didn’t have seeds. Please forgive me. No ducks were harmed. They were all super happy and thanked us for the whole wheat *healthy* bread)
For real, he never got tired of the ducks.
In conclusion, vacation was great. But now I need a real vacation. And by real, I mean one where I don’t have to change diapers, pack snacks, keep vigilant track of a stuffed Baby Monkey ( who, by the way, got lost the second day we were home- that’s a different post); a real vacation where my “boss” doesn’t come along to throw temper tantrums because he wants to sit on my lap, not his federally approved car seat, while we drive thru the mountains ( I’m currently picturing my previous bosses saying this to me- it’s both hilarious and disturbing).